


Love Outside the Box

by MyLittleCornerOfSherlock



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Other, Polyamory, Post S3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 16:43:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1192392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyLittleCornerOfSherlock/pseuds/MyLittleCornerOfSherlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Watson didn't realize it was possible to be in love with two people until tonight.  Mary and Sherlock only love one.  A story about entering a poly relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Outside the Box

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta, oldamongdreams.
> 
> "Love as Thou wilt." ~ The Kushiel Legacy by Jacqueline Carey

“You!”

 

Sherlock raised his head to find John leaning on the doorway, pointing angrily at him.  He stuck a finger in the book he was reading and raised an eyebrow at his slightly inebriated friend.  “Yes, me?”

 

“I was wrong.  It’s not always my bloody fault.”  John pushed himself off the door and strode over to Sherlock’s chair.  He glared as he poked a finger into Sherlock’s chest.  “It’s yours!”

 

Sherlock opened his mouth to comment on the obvious argument that John had with Mary, but the glint in John’s eyes caused him to change his mind before he continued, “I’m willing to concede that there may be a few things that _are_ my fault, but I don’t know which one you are referring to this time.”  Admitting to a fault, albeit an unknown one, took John by surprise and he removed his finger from Sherlock’s sternum before sitting down.

 

John just looked at him.  “Really?   _You_ , don’t know?  Sherlock Holmes, the genius, doesn’t know why something is his fault.”  He laughed half-heartedly.  “Now there’s a news flash.  Oh wait, no.”  John’s eyes were dark with anger.  “That’s old news.  Because it NEVER IS!”  John’s voice grew increasingly agitated and loud.  He flopped back in the chair and pounded on the arms.  “Fucking hell,” he groaned, “You really don’t know, do you?”  His eyes went from angry to hurt in a matter of seconds.

 

“You’ve obviously had a fight with Mary, which led to you having a few drinks at the pub.  You didn’t text Lestrade or Mike to join you, so you preferred to drink alone.  Then, coming to some sort of conclusion, instead of going back to your wife to talk it out you came here instead, presumably to yell at me.  So while, no, I don’t exactly know what I did wrong, obviously I did or have done something in yours and Mary’s eyes.”  Sherlock placed the book on the side table, his eyes flashing.  He gestured at John, “Please, enlighten me.”

 

John huffed.  “She has finally fallen into the trap.  The same bloody trap that everyone we know seems to fall into.  I had fucking hoped that my WIFE of all people would be immune to it, but noooo.  I tried to tell her.  I tried to tell her she was wrong.  That there is no way she or any of them are right.” He waved his hand for emphasis.  “You know what she told me Sherlock, do you?”   Sherlock sat still, now knowing what the fight was about, and didn’t answer.  “She told me, ‘Go ask him yourself.  He won’t lie to you if you ask him outright.’  John half-laughed, missing the way Sherlock stiffened at that.  “So, Sherlock,” John leaned forward, “everyone has always assumed we were a couple, that we were _in love_ , why would they think that?  Mary says it’s because they can see you’re in love with me, I say bollocks.  You always said caring was a disadvantage, sentiment a defect, love a human error.  Prove me right, Sherlock.  Are you in love with me?”  John spat out bitterly and leaned back, a grim smile on his face, so sure he was right.

 

The flat was silent as Sherlock stood up and adjusted his suit coat.  He looked down at John and written all over Sherlock’s face was his answer.   “I’m sorry; John, but I can’t prove you right.  You should listen to your wife more often; it would cause far less marital discord.  I’m sorry to be the cause of this one,” he said over his shoulder, “You’re right about one thing, though.  This time it is my fault,” he said quietly.  Sherlock walked down the hall to his bedroom and quietly closed the door.  John sat stunned in his chair.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_He asked you, didn’t he? –MW_

_Yes. –SH_

_What did you tell him? –MW_

 

_The truth. –SH_

 

_He’s still sitting in the chair isn’t he? –MW_

 

_Yes. –SH_

_Don’t let him leave without asking about the rest of the conversation. –MW_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
_Tell him about the rest of the conversation. --MW_

 

_Why? --JW_

_Because he has a right to know, and he won’t ask. --MW_

_You already texted him, didn’t you? --JW_

_Tell him.  --MW_

_And what about you? --JW_

_You already have my answer. --MW_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Sherlock sat with his back to the headboard, knees to his chest, and his coat thrown across the foot of the bed.  He was certain he knew what Mary’s text implied, but that didn’t matter.  He wouldn’t ask John; he couldn’t bear to hear the answer one way or the other.  He was grateful for John’s friendship, but Sherlock hardly believed himself worthy of even that, let alone anything more.  It was better to not know.  It was better than risking losing what they had again.  Mary knew him.  She knew that if John asked him, that Sherlock would not lie about that to him.  Now, those words could never be taken back.  He only hoped John would be willing to not discuss the matter further.  That they could continue to be friends, run cases, just still be themselves together.  Sherlock ground his palms into his eyes, because he knew that was just wishful thinking.  John wouldn’t be able to forget what Sherlock had said and John would act differently around him. There was a part of Sherlock that wished he had lied, but it would only have kept coming up again and again.  Better to have gotten it out of the way now; like ripping a bandage off, the quicker the better.  He slammed his hands on the mattress and groaned in frustration.  

 

Dammit all to hell!  Mary could be so irritating, yet there wasn’t another person on the planet who cared about John’s well-being besides Sherlock as much as she did.  They had formed an unspoken alliance around that.  They each knew that the other would not let harm come to John Watson if they could prevent it.  So, why had she said that to John?  What possible reason could she have had?  She’d known the answer, known what it would do to John, to Sherlock.  Was she finally calling in her threat?  To do anything not to lose John?  But -- knowing that Sherlock loved him, she knew that revelation would actually hurt John.  Because John didn’t want to hurt Sherlock, and Sherlock was now well acquainted with the pain of unrequited love.

 

He heard a knock on his door.  “Sherlock?”  There was hesitancy in John’s voice.

 

“Go away John.  Go home.  I’ll be fine.”  Sherlock was surprised at the shake in his voice.  He heard a soft thud, followed by a slow slide as John sat on the floor, leaning against the door.

 

“Not going anywhere, Sherlock.  You’re stuck with me.  Haven’t you realized that by now?” John’s voice sounded drained.  Sherlock got off the bed and sat with his back to the door.  So this was how they were going to have to do this.  Maybe it’d be easier than face to face.

 

“I’ve never considered myself stuck to you, aside from the case at the glue factory of course.”  Sherlock smiled at the memory, he heard John chuckle.

“I’m supposed to tell you something,” John said his voice serious, “Mary might shoot me if I don’t.”

 

“We both know how good a shot she is, so perhaps you should get on with it,” Sherlock sighed.  He hadn’t wanted to ask the question, but it appeared John had his marching orders.

 

“Yeah,” John sighed, “The rest of the conversation.”  He paused.  “Dammit, she knows I’m shit at this sort of thing.”  Sherlock both heard and felt the thump of John’s head against the door.  “You had to fool me into thinking we were about to be blown to kingdom come for me to admit I had forgiven you.  What made her think I’d be able to do this?”

 

Sherlock heard John exhale sharply on the other side of the door.  He could think of no less than twenty different things he could say right now but he couldn’t force a single one past his lips.  Sherlock swallowed, trying to dislodge the uncomfortable feeling that had settled in his throat.  Finally, he asked, “Do what?”

 

He was answered by silence from the other side of the door.  He waited arms around his knees, fingers loosely clasped.  His thoughts swirled, taking flight in dozens of different directions.  Sherlock tried to concentrate rather than let them capture his mind.  He focused on the soft breathing coming from the other side of the door, the slight scrape of John’s foot as he tried to get comfortable, and Sherlock sat quietly as he absorbed the creaks and groans of the flat.  When John finally spoke, Sherlock almost startled at the sound.

 

“Christ, Sherlock, I don’t know if I can.  You’re the consulting detective, can’t you figure it out?  Please?”  John’s voice cracked on the last word and Sherlock felt a tug in his chest.  Yes, he could.  But not this time.  This time, John had to do it on his own.

 

“John, there are a great many things I would do -- have done for you.  I died for you, I took a bullet from your wife, I killed for you, but this...this isn’t something I can do.  You have to do it on your own.”  He paused as he heard John let out a shuddering sigh.  “If it helps, I won’t open the door until you’ve left or asked me to.”

 

“Yeah.  Okay, then.  The rest of the conversation.  But no interrupting or I won’t be able to get it all out.”

“Alright.”

 

John inhaled deeply before continuing and Sherlock focused on his voice, “When you jumped off the roof, when I thought you’d died, a part of me died with you.  I thought I had lost the most important person to me.  There were so many things I had wanted to tell you, should have told you, best friend bit and all, but never did.  I grieved harder for you than I had for anyone else before in my life, and I’ve seen plenty of good friends and some family die.  You, you were always different.  From the first day I met you, you were different.  So when you left, when you were gone, I felt so empty.  It took a long, long time for me to realize why.”  John paused, his voice had gotten shaky.  Sherlock waited.  John took a few breaths and continued.  “I’ve only ever told one other person what I’m about to say, and that person is Mary.  She’s the reason why I realized what I’m about to say.  Sherlock--” another pause, “Sherlock I was heart-broken when I thought you’d died.  Not in the ‘my best friend is dead’ sense, but in the ‘I lost my soul mate’ sense.  Don’t you dare laugh!”

 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Sherlock said so quietly John missed that he’d said anything at all.

  
“Mary realized it for what it was before I did.  You know quick she is.  One of the things that attracted me to her in the first place was how much she was like you.”  John let out a long sigh.  “But she heard the way I talked about you, saw the way I looked when I was talking about you, and she knew how I felt, even if I didn’t.  She called me on it.  She wouldn’t believe me when I told her it wasn’t true and sat me down one night for a talk about what it means to feel for someone the way I did for you.  She helped me realize I’d been in love with you, Sherlock.”  John fell silent at that point.

 

Sherlock hung his head.  He would not cry.  John “had been” in love with him.  Past tense.  Again, John was right.  It was Sherlock’s fault.  His fault for his selfish behavior.  His fault for leaving John behind.  His fault for breaking John’s heart.  His fault for not realizing his own feelings sooner.  This was the way it had to be.  Each of them knowing what the other felt or had felt and having to live with that.  Sherlock inhaled a shuddering near sob and as he exhaled his mind cleared slightly to realize that John had only said what he and Mary had talked about in the past, not “the rest of the conversation” as both Mary and John had put it.  Minutes ticked by as Sherlock waited for John to continue.  

 

“Jesus, Sherlock, I bare my soul to you and you don’t say a word.” John sounded hurt.

 

“You asked me not to interrupt and I promised not to open the door until you were gone or said I could.  I’m sorry I broke your heart.  It was never my intention and I did what I did for selfish reasons…”

 

“Shut up you, git.  I forgave you for that already.”  John breathed heavily through his nose.  “Okay again.  The rest of the conversation.  You needed to hear that bit before I could tell you everything else, so give me a minute.”  

 

It was a long minute, longer than 60 seconds, and Sherlock counted each one as he waited.  On second number 221 (ironically) John continued:

 

“Mary is the protective, possessive type.  You and she are much alike in that aspect. Jesus, I should have seen it.  She’s so much like you it’s not even funny.  But moving forward, she came to me tonight, confronted me actually.  I told you what she said about you.  I denied it of course.  But she was emphatic.  And then she said...she said I must still be in love with you.  She said I’d pushed it down after you came back because I was so hurt.  And then she saw me do the same to her during those months after she shot you.  But after I forgave her, took her back; after what happened at Appledore and the plane came back.  She said I looked at you both the same way.  That the same light appeared in my eyes when I talked about both you and her.  The affection that my voice held for her was also there for you.  She said I never stopped loving you.  How?  How can one person be in love with two people?  I asked her that.  Do you know what she said?”  John heaved out another sigh.  “No, don’t answer that.  She told me that there are people who have it in them to love more than one person.  That it’s nothing to be ashamed of and entirely possible that I’m one of those people.  I don’t understand it, Sherlock.  I’m not supposed to be able to love two people.  God, I have the most amazing wife, because you’ll never guess what she said next.”  Sherlock had a good idea, because as John had said, he and Mary were very much alike.  John continued, “She said, that there is only one other person on the planet she’d share me with, and that’s you, Sherlock.  I couldn’t believe she said that.  That’s not the way marriage works.  You commit to one person for the rest of your life.  ONE person, Sherlock.  And she thinks that she can share me with you, that you’d be willing to share me with her.  HOW?  How does that even work?  She sent me off to think about it.  That’s why I ended up here and why she texted you.  And I still don’t know.”  John stopped, “I still don’t know,” he whispered, then, “Sherlock?”

  
Sherlock inhaled deeply.  That -- that was a lot to take in.  He was, of course, familiar with what Mary was saying, what she was offering the three of them.  A relationship, more than just friendship with John.  And Mary was clever, oh so very clever, to know and see what John could not.  What Sherlock had not allowed himself see, lest he wind up hurt more than he already was.  But, John was confused and had still not confirmed that he was, indeed, in love with Sherlock.  And Sherlock wouldn’t take that leap himself without confirmation. So he took a cautious mental step and asked, “You don’t know what, John?  You don’t know if you’re in love with me?  You don’t know what it is that Mary is offering?  You don’t know what it is you want?  There are a lot of variables here.  Questions that need answering.”

 

John was quiet as he thought; Sherlock could almost hear him think.  It was torture to wait, but if he wanted more with John, he couldn’t push this.  If he did, Sherlock risked losing everything.  

 

Finally, John answered, his voice shaky.  “Mary is right.  I am still in love with you.  I don’t think I ever stopped, I just pushed it down.  It’s hard though, to reconcile in my head that I can be in love with two people.  I don’t know what it will take to make that okay.  Mary, from what I can tell, Mary seems to be okay with it.  I’m not exactly sure what it is she’s ‘offering’ as you said.  I wasn’t even aware that it was possible to have a relationship with more than one person at a time, but that’s what she’s suggesting.  It seems like an affair to me.  But is it an affair if everyone involved knows about and they’re all okay with it?  What is that sort of thing called?” John laughed, breathlessly.  “And do I even want to try that ‘thing’?  That’s a huge fucking question.”

 

Sherlock felt a wave of relief wash over him.  No longer past tense “had been”, but present and “in love” with him.  He could work with that.  He could find ways to help John be comfortable and accept that he could be in love with two people.  Sherlock imagined that Mary, like himself, was not fond of the initial idea of sharing John with anyone.  But, they both loved John too much to see him hurting over his confusion and emotions.  Mary wouldn’t have brought it up otherwise.  And, if he had to share John with anyone, it would be with the one other person on the planet who would go to extreme means to protect him.  He had the scar to prove that.  Sherlock was under no illusions that this would be an easy process, that there wouldn’t be head-butting and arguing.  But he also felt that if anyone could work through those, it would be the three of them.  God, they were already in a fucked-up friendship to begin with.  A psychologist's wet dream.  Why not take it the next step further?  Especially if it meant he could love and be loved by John like he’d wanted for so long.  

 

“The ‘thing’, as you call it has a name, polyamory or poly for short.  There are many people who have extra relationships because, as Mary said, they are able to love more than one person.  It works for a lot of people.  There are sites on the internet dedicated to that sort of thing, should you wish to research it.  To most of the outside world, yes it would be considered an affair or cheating, but to the people involved it is just part of who they are, what enables them to be happy.  They call it ‘loving outside the box’.  And yes, it is a ‘huge fucking’ question, as you put it.  It is a question best not answered in haste, because everyone involved could get hurt worse if it’s not what you want.”  Sherlock wanted John to be sure.  Not just for John’s sake, but Sherlock’s own as well.

 

Sherlock heard John shift against the door, as he turned to press his forehead against it before he spoke.  “Mary seems amiable to it.  I don’t think she’d have pushed me in this direction if she wasn’t.  But what about you?  What would you want?  What do _you_ want, Sherlock?  Me? Her? Both?”

 

Sherlock laughed his cheek to the door.  “John, I have no interest or desire for your wife beyond her continued health and friendship.  Do you remember what I said at your wedding?  It’s you, John Watson, it’s always been you.  Only you.”  Sherlock sighed, his fingers slid under the gap at the bottom of the door.  He found the side of John’s hand and lightly brushed the tips of his fingers against it, a wordless offer.  He felt John shift his hand until John’s fingers stroked the top of Sherlock’s fingertips.

 

“Just the two of us against the rest of the world, huh?” John half-laughed.

 

“Well, us and Mary,” Sherlock corrected, “If you’re sure, John.  Please, please think hard about this.  There has been more than enough hurt between the three of us for a lifetime.  If it’s something you think you might fancy and ‘give it a go’ just to see, then don’t do it.  I’d rather just be your friend than lose everything because of a hasty decision.  If it is something you seriously want to try all three of us will need to sit down and talk about it.  Lay down ground rules to lessen future misunderstandings and miscommunication. Please, think hard before saying yes to this, John.  For all our sakes.”  He squeezed John’s fingers as best he could under the door.  They sat there, fingers entwined for a long moment.

 

“When I was in the pub, I thought about what Mary said.  That I was still in love with you and God it hurt.  My chest hurt at the thought.  Because I didn’t think there was any way you could be in love with me.  It hurt to think that Mary was right and that my feelings were one-sided.  So when I came here tonight, I was angry.  Angry at myself for still being in love with you, angry that I couldn’t let go, and angry with you because I KNEW there was no way you were in love with me.  I was actually hoping you’d prove me right, give me a reason to let go.  But, dammit Sherlock, you always manage to pull the rug out from under me.  Why would this time be any different?”  John let out a nervous giggle.  “I do want to try this, Sherlock.  I don’t know how well it will work.  I don’t want to create any animosity between you and Mary.  I care about you both too much and you’ve both been hurt enough, but as you said, that’s why we all need to sit down and talk.  Take it slow and figure it out.  So -- yeah, Sherlock.  If you want to, I’d like to try this thing.  Just promise me, you and Mary will leave the guns out of it.”  John laughed and Sherlock smiled.

 

“I think that’s probably for the best.  Rule 1, no guns aimed at the other significant other.”  Sherlock chuckled.

 

Their mobiles chimed an incoming text.  “Mary.” They both said in unison.

 

“She has impeccable timing,” Sherlock said lightly as he read her message.

 

_You boys figured it out yet? -MW_

_Yes. -SH_

_Yes. -JW_

 

_Good.  Now kiss. -MW_

  
They both burst into a fit of giggles similar to the one they shared their first night after chasing the cab through London.  

 

“Open the door, Sherlock.” John said when he finally caught his breath.

 

“I thought you’d never ask.”  Sherlock stood up and opened the door to find John grinning at him still sitting on the floor.

 

“Need help up?” Sherlock asked as he reached out his hand.  John took it and Sherlock pulled him up quickly and wrapped his free arm around John’s waist, pulling him in close to Sherlock.  John looked at him a bit startled.  “I’ve waited a long time to do this, John Watson and now that I have the chance, I’m going to take it.”  John’s face lit up as the realization dawned on him.  Sherlock smiled as he leaned in for the long awaited kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> The relationship dynamic John, Sherlock, and Mary are entering is what as known in the poly community as a "closed V triad". I don't speak for the whole poly community, as being poly means something a little different to each person. Dynamics work differently with each relationship. I tried to write this piece as best I could with these three characters in mind.


End file.
